If you care about your friends, write it down
It's been a month now of writing (almost) every day and with it has come some interesting, if rather subtle, changes.
Almost a month ago I had come across Herman's post on Active Recall and that kind of kicked off a secondary reason to journal that I think I'd been hoping for: utilising a neat trick to improve my memory; as journaling for journaling's hadn't quite become a settled necessity (yet).
A quick refresher: studies show that reading something once and then writing whatever you remember down on a piece of paper (or I hope on a computer), shows to be an effective way of remembering things. So my goal was to incorporate this into my daily writing to give me something external to document that for me, makes the task more concrete and required. I'm lax to push myself to do some things unless there's outside pressure.
So I did! I have been writing daily in two parts:
- Reflecting on my day, documenting things that I noticed or need to dig deeper about: emotional, physical, spiritual happenings that actually need a moment to debrief on.
- Taking note of all the interesting things people told me during the day. This component I've started to treat more like journalism than journaling and it's had some wonderful effects on how I treat my day and the people I speak to during it.
This second part has had a tertiary effect such that I now need to listen way more than before (even though I'd consider myself a fair listener and attentive when people are sharing something with me), as I want to do my best to write it down later.
I've found that over the weeks, my brain has started to make a stronger model of what people are telling me, because when writing it out in the evening, it can be quite hard to remember unless you lay the groundwork as you listen. I certainly don't think I'm doing anything special, simply focusing on what they say, watching them more closely as they speak, and trying to repeat in my head the important facts as they share them.
This absolutely has made the bond I've felt in that moment a lot stronger, and before you come to this point and say, "Marc, you're just discovering empathy", yes yes, calm down, you're not wrong, but also it's always been the most fascinating part of my journeys to learn about people's histories and stories they've accumulated over their time on this planet, it's just that now I feel like I can do something a bit more to honour that (even though it will end with an audience of exactly one).
It's like when I found out about this domain's former owner and I just can't help myself: I have to know as much as I can about this person and their story. That's why this has somehow felt like a small revelation as I now have something in my toolkit to be able to document these things piecemeal as my days go on.
Granted, this may all sound a bit silly: idiot realises he can listen and write things down, leading to life altering internal epiphany that learning about people makes you care about them more. I know, I'm with you. I just wish I'd taken this small step sooner, as the practicalist in me needs tangible methods to be able to make progress.
Beyond this journalism component, daily writing has also increased the joy I get from writing overall. It's true: do a thing a lot and it becomes easier, better, and more fun! Who would've guessed!? ("Everyone", is the answer.) In fact, I almost took a break today, possibly relegating my Friday post to another haiku as I'd been writing so much in the evenings lately, but then realised this in an of itself is interesting enough to document and adds another layer onto my self-actualisation.
It's all getting very meta and I'm content with the path it's taken me. For something with so little effort (it is easier to write than to scroll on your phone, I promise), I'm so satisfied with the result, even more thrilled that I will have something in the future to look back on, and beyond that, happier still that I have found a new way to cherish my friends and the way they choose to share their lives with me.
I did one semester of journalism in university, maybe I should've stuck with it a bit longer.